Technology...

No, No, Bad Kitty

No, No, Bad Dog

Blonde Joke...

A blind guy walks into a bar and sits down at a bar stool. 

After a few minutes, he asks the bartender "Wanna hear a blonde joke?".

The bartender answers, "Well, sir, I'm blonde and I'm mixing your drinks, the guy sitting next to you is blonde and he's a professional body builder, the blonde lady over in the corner playing pool is a black belt in karate, the two gentlemen sitting in a booth to your left are football linebackers and weigh about 300 pounds a piece and, yes, they are both blonde.  Still want to tell that joke?"

The blind guy answers "Not if I have to explain it five times".

Product Endorsements...

This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen Ellen DeGeneres do.  What makes it even funnier is that it is absolutely true.  I saw this product at Staples yesterday and thought WTF?! (Obviously, my reaction wasn't nearly as funny as Ellen's.)
http://www.upworthy.com/boom-roasted-heres-why-you-dont-ask-a-feminist-to-hawk-your-sexist-product

Auto INcorrect...

come on down, dinner is ready

Be there in a min.  I'm doing Lauren.

who the fuck is lauren

if she is your girlfriend, she can have some dinner too.

Dad! I meant laundry.  I'm not a lesbian.

that's a shame.  men are dicks.  now come eat.

Home Decorating...

Technology...

Dieting...